How to Gratitude

Thanksgiving 2024

“Dear journal, I am thankful for my health. Dear journal, I am grateful for my family. Dear journal, I am thankful for the food we have. “
Okay, so maybe there is a better way to approach gratitude? 

When I often mention gratitude practice to my leader clients, they have the same look on their faces that I used to have when someone said they practice "meditation." It is the look of "come 'on another woo-woo thing that people who wear tie-dye shirts do?’ 

 In this article, l will clarify what gratitude practice is and a few ways that might be helpful for you to try and experiment and see if gratitude practice helps you boost your energy, focus, adversity, and bring a sense of joy that might be missing in your life. 

But let’s start with the Negative Bias and how it can mess up our ability to find joy in life and protect us.
Negative bias is a tendency to focus on the things that don't work in our daily lives, weekly and life as a whole. For example, I had a wonderful day at work, and then around 2 pm, during my presentation to a group of peers and leaders, one of my peers mentioned in the chat that I forgot to add page numbers, and it was hard for them to follow my presentation. Now, everyone smiles while reading about “my mistake” in the chat. Of course, all I can think of after that chat message is the smiles of mistakes. I forgot about anything else that worked well that day. I forgot about my leader telling me how impressed they were with the work I did to share this presentation with the group. Nothing matter. Page numbers were missing. When I arrived home, and my partner asked me how my day went, all I could remember from my day was that one annoying comment and response with a grumpy face: "I had better days…." That experience we all had one way or another, where we focus on that little thing that happened that didn’t work, rather than looking at all the things we do well, is the "Negative Bias." Why is that? Why do we focus on the one little thing that didn’t work? Why do we focus on that small little dot in the white shirt? We are wired to do so; Our ancient brain was engineered to be obsessed with our mistakes, with our failures, because this mechanism that makes sure we focus on the mistakes and failures we had is what helped us survive, mistakes could have cost us our life. Therefore, do not repeat this mistake, or the lion will eat you! This Negative Bias kept us alive.

As we know, today most of us do not meet a lion when we cross the street, or head to our office, still the mechanism of our brain stayed with us. The good news is we can apply new techniques that can lower the “yelling” of the Negative Bias in our brain and make sure we focus on what’s important rather than the little things that mess up our day, week, and for many years and keep us frustrated.

Now, I know some of you will argue that it is important to know what’s not working and improve. I agree we can learn from each situation that didn’t work how to be better and improve, but the question is how much energy our brain should give to the little mistakes we make, not every moment, not every week, but once in a while? How much energy do you need to waste on those little things that didn’t work? Let’s focus on the areas where learning can create impact and important change rather than a little dot on your shirt.

How can we lower the volume of the “Negative Bias”?
We can reprogram our brains. Many studies by neuroscientists have shown that our brain has the ability to learn new ways of seeing the world and where it should focus. This ability is called “Neuroplasticity.”

Some of the ways to teach our ancient brain to lower its focus on the negative bias is to focus on the following:

• Progress – where can we see improvement?

• What's working – where we can recognize and appreciate what we do well?

• Gratitude – where we can appreciate and be grateful for what we have in our lives?

Multiple studies show that gratitude can boost our well-being and improve our mood. A study published in Applied Psychology in 2011 showed that people who practiced gratitude for 15 minutes before they went to sleep slept better and had fewer negative thoughts. Another study found that people who practice gratitude have fewer negative emotions like resentment and anger.

Being more aware of gratitude's impact on our lives, I have noticed a pattern. When I coached successful, more resilient leaders who find it easier to adapt to change, I asked them what made these attributes their strengths. The answers were the same repeatedly: they were grateful for what they had had in their life. Many mentioned that expressing gratitude was something they saw in their house with their parents or grandparents or another influential leader or teacher they met in their life journey.

This supports other studies that show that positive and grateful people are contagious; many want to get closer to them. Many successful people practice gratitude every morning.

How do you practice gratitude?

There are many techniques, but I will share three that most of my clients appreciate and, most importantly, find easy to adapt as a habit. 

1.     Journaling

Here is how I define Journaling: Journaling is writing your thoughts and emotions in whatever fits you. There is no right or wrong way to journal; there is no specific length of writing, which is good or bad. It can be one word or many pages. It can be a few times a day, every day, or every few days. It can be different from one day to another. The important thing is that you take the time to express your thoughts and emotions in writing and/or drawing/doodling and any other art that suits you. Maybe even composing what we are grateful for?

Here are two you can try.

• The Long List – take time to write down 50 things in your life daily that you are grateful for. This technique is not for every soul. However, the purpose of this approach is that the more you write, the deeper you must challenge yourself to see what you have to be grateful for. The competitive, or those who like a challenge, can enjoy this practice. 

• The Shortlist (the Zen Approach) - If, like me, you prefer short and deep. You write two or three things you are grateful for daily, but you must be specific. 
  Write a specific sentence that expresses why you are grateful for your health: I am thankful that today I could work out for 30 minutes even though my right knee hurts. Instead of writing a vague, short sentence like, I am grateful for my health. Or rather than writing, I am thankful for my family, write a specific example that explains why. For example, I am grateful that my son in college called me today, even though I know he prefers to text. 

2.     Visual/Imaginative way - Scan your day and choose the best images of your past day.

 One of the best ways to reprogram your brain to focus on what's working is before you sleep. Before you go to sleep:

• Scan your day.

• Look at all the visuals in your day, somewhat like a video.

• Click the Pause Button on your remote when you identify a moment you are grateful for and be with it.

To appreciate that moment and keep scanning the video of your day, focusing on moments of gratitude, you can take a moment to enjoy and be with them fully.

3.     Praying

Praying can be a religious practice, but not always. Praying can work well for people who like to express their thoughts and emotions out loud. It can also be an excellent gratitude practice for people engaging in or reconnecting with this routine. Prayers can be poems or quotes you feel can be a perfect way to express your gratitude; they can be religious prayers or prayers from a prayer book you like; they can even be prayers you wrote yourself. Prayers can be a poetic way to feel and express how grateful you feel for what you have in your life.

Pay attention and be curious about your new habit:

If you choose to experiment with gratitude practice in one of the ways I mentioned above or a different way, I invite you to pay attention to the day when you practice gratitude or the day after you practice gratitude. When I try a new habit, I do my best to be consistent with this new habit, but when I miss a day, rather than being upset with myself, I move into curiosity. I take a moment to ask and observe: What am I noticing about myself when I practice gratitude compared to the days I didn't? Did something feel different?

 Did you feel more focused? Did you feel more positive? Do you have more energy? Did you sleep better that night? Did you feel less restless? Pay attention! If nothing changes, let it go. But if you noticed a shift in how you experience life, in your ability to deal with challenges and even experience more joy, maybe it's a new routine you can add to your life. 

Thanks for watching. If you liked this article and would like to keep finding more connections? Follow up and share with your circle of connection.