Meet Your Saboteur - The Judge
This article will be posted a few days before we enter the new year, 2025.
When I enter a new year, I reflect and ask myself: What change do I want to create in this new beginning? How can I show up as a better Self for the people surrounding me and for myself?
Maybe as part of the end of the year, you are pondering your development plan or asking yourself how you can become a better leader or peer to your team or community; maybe you start this year with a new role, team, or company, and with that change, whether big or small, there might be that little voice, a very nagging voice and still very persistent, that will whisper in your ear that you better watch out!
Let's dive deep to get to know this little voice and understand when it likes to grow big in our minds and, if possible, to take over and push us away from taking an action that will move us forward.
Who is the Saboteur?
The word Saboteur comes from the French word sabotage, which is the purpose of this voice in our life – to sabotage our way from moving into new action or way of being when we want to create a change. The Saboteur wants to keep the status quo, to keep us where we are, because. There is always this because, with this voice, which always has conditions, we might fail, get embarrassed, or, in any other worst-case scenario, if we act on it. So the Saboteur's voice will tell you: "Let's stay here. Here, it is safe."
And here is the thing: the more significant the change is, the louder the voice of the Saboteur will be. Promotion? Loud, New Relationship? Loud, Starting your new business? Loud, Publishing a book? Loud, Starting a new job? Loud, Speaking at an event or presenting in a meeting? Applying a new skill? Loud, Loud, Loud, and that drains your energy. You feel exhausted.
Take a moment to pause and check in with yourself: From 1- 10, how loud is the voice of the Saboteur right now in your head regarding an important action (or way of being) you want to take in your life?
Okay! So, how do we get rid of it?
Let's start by How learning to identify the voice of the Saboteur.
The Saboteur's voice is very repetitive; it sounds somewhat like a conditional slogan. I break them into three main categories:
"You Are Not Good Enough" - When you are good enough, then you should act (but not now).
You don't have good enough skills, You're not smart enough, You're not talented enough, You don't have enough experience. The bottom line is that you're not good enough.
"Your work is not good enough" or "You are not there yet!" – When you have more knowledge and data, then you should act (but not now).
This voice urges you to avoid embarrassment and keep learning, researching, not showing up in front of others in meetings or projects, and taking the lead. Of course, when we "feel" ready, others have already taken the lead.
"Why even bother?" – When you bother, people ignore you (so don't act).
No matter how much effort you put into it, people will not appreciate it anyway or see you, so come on! Why bother? Let's get some ice cream and binge on some Netflix show...
Shirzad Chamine did a phenomenal job of extending this idea and allowing us to understand better our saboteurs' different voices and the why behind them. By learning more about them, we can work to lower their volume.
Check out his TED talk about this topic and his saboteurs' assessment HERE.
Pause and take a moment to identify your Sabotuer slogan and where it is very loud right now in your life. Please don't be upset with yourself when you notice it. First, it is about learning to notice it.
So, How can we get rid of this voice?
That's a great question. We can't eliminate the Saboteur's voice, but I know from working in this area with hundreds of leaders that we can learn how to lower its volume. Here are a few ways to experiment with lowering the Saboteur's volume:
1. Get to know your Saboteur.
The first step is to create awareness by getting to know your Saboteur. Focus on becoming curious about it rather than fixing its existence. Bring curiosity to learn your Saboteur:
What does it sound like? What does it say? When - in what situations do you notice the Saboteur shows up?
What pronoun does it use: he, she, it, they? For example, one of my clients calls his saboteurs "The Monkey." Even in books, you will find different names for the Saboteur, the judge, the inner critic, the Gremlin, and even "the mocking spirit."
Again, my invitation is, don't judge yourself when the Saboteur shows up. Stay curious rather than asking why it showed up again, be playful, and say something like: "Oh! The Saboteur is here! Interesting!!! I am wondering what made it show up right now?. What can I learn from us co-exist together in this moment."
2. Be the Director of your mind.
The first step is to identify new voices that serve you.
The Saboteur is not you; it is a voice in you. That's an important distinction. When the Saboteur is a voice in me, it is not all of me. When I am the Saboteur, I am getting in my way.
Now, as the Director of your mind, you can add voices that serve you. For example, The Motivator, The Cheerleader, The Wise one, The Compassionate, The Leader, The Visioner, The Intuitive, and any other voice you know that knows you at your best and when you make mistakes will not judge you or say something like "you should have known better!" that voice will keep holding you with care knowing that you are always trying to become your best self.
The second step is to create awareness of how you place those voices on your "Mind Stage."
Where would you place your different voices right now if your mind is a stage? Don't make it beautiful or what it should be; if your Saboteur is at the front of the stage, that's where it is. If your wise one is backstage, that is where it is right now.
The Third Step: Be the Director of your Mind and Move them around.
If you were to be the Director of your "Mind Stage" and could place the voices where they will serve you at their best - what would that look like? Where will you move each one, for example, if your Saboteur is at the front stage – where, if at all, would you move it? Who will you move to the front?
We forget we can choose and create a new reality. It is in our power.
3. Talk to it with supportive data.
Some Saboteur's voices don't like data. With some of our clients, we find that data provides a bigger truth that the Saboteur cannot contradict, and it gets weaker and weaker.
For example:
Leader": "All my leader-friends are so confident it seems like they are never stressed about anything. I am not sure I deserve this new role."
Coach: "How do you know? Did they tell you that?"
Leader: "No, I haven't; they just look this way in the leadership meetings."
Coach: "Would you be willing to ask one of them?"
Leader: "Yes, there is a peer I can ask, I am meeting with them tomorrow, I can ask them for sure."
Next session:" So I spoke with my peer, they said they are very surprised with my question, they were sure I am never stressed I look so calm to them, it was so funny to realize they see me the same way I see all my peers. Apparently we are all good at hiding stress."
Me: "Hmmm how is your saboteur doing right now?"
Leader: "I don't think it is even here with us, I think it took a nap or something…."
4. Ask for support
At times, even though we try to apply all the systems we know, we can't figure it out for some reason and feel powerless. When I feel this way, it is an invitation to start by reaching out and asking for support from people in my circle who can remind me that I am resourceful. And if it is still not enough, don't hesitate to reach out to a mentor, a coach, or any other professional who can remind you of the moments you were resourceful and overcame challenges and obstacles to become a better version of yourself.
Remember! The Saboteur's role is to keep you where you are, to keep you "safe" from their perspective. You can reach out internally or externally for a new view from new voices that can serve you better. Who is the internal or external voice you will reach out to in those moments?
If you liked this article, please subscribe and share it with your circle of connections.
Cheers!
